Time. Truths. Hearts.

Let me hear you call my name.

Well, we meet again.

I'm Alexa, but you already know that. However, you might call me Lexi, which is cool. Like me, cool that is. I make my own friendship bracelets like it's my job. But it's not. I work at a seasonal restaurant. I have an iPhone and we all know that makes me superior or something. Oh yeah, I'm like 21 or something like that. I love photography and have a Nikon D60... which I don't use. What more could you want from me? Just read.

More than words.


You know you love me, too.
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Bittersweet Lovin'
Monday, February 23, 2009
You know, I may want a lot of things in life, but I have a lot. A lot that I am grateful for, even if the experiences hurt in ways. I regret very little in my short time on this earth, and I'm very happy with the way I am. I know that there is room for improvements, but that's the same story for everybody. I know that I am on the right track to becoming the amazing person I want to be when I grow up. I've made slip-ups, I'm going to make slip-ups, but all in all I know I will grow and learn from those mistakes. I know sometimes I'm a real downer, and that I'm not always optimistic, but deep down no matter what I know everything is going to be ok. I'm sure that not everybody is going to like what I'll do, and how can I expect them to? I know for a fact I'm not going to like some things that other people do; I'm going to disapprove of their actions. It's just who I am, and what I know of other people.

I'm thinking about this because I was thinking of everything that has happened in the past four years, and how it's all going to be ending soon. It's bittersweet at best. I'm going to miss these times in high school, messing around and just having fun. But I'm also going fucking CRAZY in these strict confinements that both school AND my parents have put me in. Next year, I don't know what I'm going to do without some of my girls around, but next year I know I'm going to be pumped to be away from a lot of the others. I know I'm not going to have my independence, that won't happen until I move out, but I will have more and more freedoms. I can't wait, and yet I'm so afraid. It's an adventure that IS going to be scary, but it will be rewarding. I know I'm going to have some many difficulties adjusting to college life, but I will have a lot of the same people still around me.

What also makes everything easier on me is the lack of pressure I feel to compete with other people (college wise). I'm going to Suffolk. Yeah, it's not prestigious, it's a community college. But I know that I'm going there for the right reasons. I don't know what I want to do in life, so why spend 40 grand a year trying to figure that out? I'm not staying behind because of Michael. I mean, yes, he probably did influence my decision, but in the end it is what is best for me at the moment. People make picking a college so life or death, but really if you don't like a school you transfer. I still get freaked out sometimes about my future, but I know that I'm doing something good. Deep down I know that I will have people that will love me no matter what I do. I have an amazing support system, and I know that they will always be there for me if I need them.

I'm so excited and ready to see the world beyond the confinements of rules and regulations, and being even more independent than I am now. I have to still work hard in life, but I know I will. I have it in me to do a lot with my life. I have potential, and even if I don't hear it much from other people: I'm good at the things I do. I have made awesome achievements by my own standards. I've overcome so much in my life, and I have so many more trials, but that's OK. I'm going to make it through everything. And if I don't, people will be there by my side.

And when I think of "people" I think of Liza, Lex, Mike and Cathleen. I know that they're going to be there for me in the end. I know that they will have my back, or tell me when I'm being ridiculous. I'm so happy to have them in my lives.

I love Mike with all of my heart. Nothing will ever change that. Even if we break up, I'm going to love him. It might hurt, I might love someone else in the end, but I will ALWAYS love him. He's been so great to me this past year, and he has helped me so much. I'm not sure I would be the same young woman I am today if not for him. And I love me. Sure, I don't like everything about me, but I love me. And I'm working on liking the rest of me.

I know that I am a good person, and I know I'm going to make a difference in peoples' lives. Maybe not the whole world, but maybe just those around me. And as long as I have those that truly care for me, I know I can make it in this world.

Goodbye.
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